Justin Bieber and Honouring my Marriage

Justin.

Bieber.

I’ll admit I wasn’t a huge fan of the Biebs from the beginning. I can clearly recall the battle in my head while hearing one of his very first hits; ‘is this a girl singing? Or is this a guy? For sure a girl… but…maybe…it could be a guy?’

I’m sure I’m not the only one who had those thoughts.

It’s OK. You can admit it to me.

While not caring too much about his music or career, then hearing of his continually negative progression into adulthood that was shared throughout the world courtesy of our good friend, the media, I kinda had this ‘I’m not a fan of Justin Bieber’ mentality.

My wonderful husband, on the other hand…

JP loves the Biebs. Not even kidding.

Since he is a legit Belieber, we obviously had to go see the first Justin Bieber movie. While I tried to hold onto my indifferent ways, I couldn’t help but look at Justin in a whole new light. Was I becoming a belieber!? Naw, but I definitely had more respect for the dude knowing he works hard and is actually talented.

Fast forward through a few years of hearing crazy Bieber tabloid stories, husband-wife full-album Bieber dance parties in our living room, and the fact it’s 2016 and our dear Justin has done a lot of growing up, we land here—the point where I found myself anxiously anticipating his new album, Purpose, which came out this past November, and now even more anxiously awaiting his upcoming Winnipeg tour stop in June.

If you haven’t been following Justin lately, he seems to have turned a few things in life around. Not only are his latest songs the catchiest things I’ve heard in a while, a few recent interviews had led me to really appreciate the growth he’s been having. I’ve been especially intrigued by his statements of faith-- finding grace through God for his life and expressing how his purpose is to show that to others. If his catchy songs weren’t enough, look at this dude go!

While this seems like an advertisement for Justin’s new album, I can assure you it’s not (I’m not that popular that my speaking of something has any marketable value). It’s time to get real about why this post is here.

Recently amongst a group of ladies and I, the conversation came up of, in the crass yet culturally acceptable language, Justin Bieber's dick pic. While we are all quite different (different backgrounds, separate groups of friends, etc) we are all in happy and committed relationships with significant others we admire and are pleased to call ours. A girl had the image on her phone and was showing everyone. Comments were made on size and shape and whether it was ‘nice’ or not. There was laughter, and giggling, and comments about how funny it was the one girl had it saved on her phone.  One of the ladies wasn't around for the beginning of the conversation and was asked if she wanted to see. She replied with ‘No’ and walked away. Feeling a sense of comradelier after hearing her response, I, too, replied with no.

Obviously, these ‘no’ responses went against the flow of the conversation and how the reactions were going. One girl even exclaimed how it was ‘cute’ we didn’t want to see the photo.

Cute?

JP's instagram- day off for Bieber

Here's the honest commentary of what I was thinking in the moment-- I respect my husband and our marriage, and looking at an image of another dudes thaaang doesn’t set an example of how much I love and honour him. I wouldn’t want him to be looking at images of girls like that—famous person or not. What message does that send to others in marriages, or those considering the vow of marriage? A marriage is when two people commit themselves to each other in every possible way—emotionally and physically. Viewing ALL of Bieber makes me dishonor my vow. That’s how I see it, anyways. I know some may disagree, I know the idea of porn being helpful to marriages is something the main stream media tells the world. I disagree. The facts are against these ideas. I wrote a whole blog post about it, which you can check out.

Not only that, women speak so often about how they don’t want to be objectified, they want to be viewed for more then just their bodies, and how self-esteem needs to stem from more than what other women and men say about how their body looks. Why do women find no shame in objectifying men? You can’t change the cycle by being part of the problem. A cycle ends when one person takes a stand outside of it and says ‘hey, this isn’t ok’.

Today a friend and I took that stand. While it can sometimes be hard to be the ‘odd ones out’ in a room of people who think the same way, it is so comforting to know I am honouring my marriage, my faith, and myself with the choices I make in what to view and what not to view.

And Justin, I still love your new album and am ridiculously pumped for the concert in June… maybe just be less provocative when there are paparazzi around, deal?

#FoodPorn

I remember when I first started using hashtags…

I was very unfamiliar with how they worked and thought the idea of putting a random “#” in front of a word or phrase was just plain silly. 
#Blessed 
#Car
#Cookie
#LifeGoals
Like, really? Why is this a thing? 
To showcase my dislike (and complete ignorance) I would put long, ridiculous hashtags on EVERYTHING! A favourite of mine was #RealLifeHungerGames in which friends and I would discuss topics and how they relate back to one of our favourite book series. This hashtag was used during text conversations, gmail chat sessions when we should have been working, lengthy emails, and, of course, real life conversations (because who doesn’t let a few “hashtag, basic white girl” or “hashtag, P-T-L” phrases slip out of their mouth every now and then).

As hashtags became more popular (and as I figured out their real purpose and began to understand their significance) I became intrigued with the hashtags people were choosing to use. I found myself both using hashtags when posting photos of my baking adventures on Instagram, and searching hashtags as I would browse social media. Since I was frequently looking up baking related hashtags it was inevitable I would stumble across the raunchy and distasteful #FoodPorn.

#FoodPorn, the second highest search
related to food.

Why, internet?!

This does not make sense! Why are glamorous and enticing images of food being categorized as equal to an industry that ruins the lives of everyone it touches? Is it some kind of metaphor—like the detrimental state of your health after over indulging in sweets (or too much cheesy goodness, or too much carb-filled deliciousness) will actually ruin you and make you suffer? Is it attempting to illustrate how our gluttonous lifestyle can seem ok at first, but then breaks you down the way porn wrecks everyone it collides with? Those are the only connections that actually make sense in my head, but we all know the real reason the general public has chosen to associate #FoodPorn with delicious looking items— It’s not as a warning but as encouragement of the ecstasy which comes from experiencing something almost too good to be true, something you know you shouldn’t.

There are many reasons this hashtag bothers me. One of the biggest reasons is the connection between pornography and human trafficking. The below video really nudged me forward into creating this post. Please watch it-- trust me, it’s worth it.

In my research on how the porn and human trafficking industries are connected, one of the most disgusting quotes I came across is as follows:

"Amateurs come across better on screen. Our customers feel that. Especially by women you can see it. They still feel strong pain." - Carlo Scalisi, Owner of 21 Sexury Video

They still feel strong pain. Why is this ok? Why is this something the general public is ok with watching while ignoring the deeper issues involved in the production of the film?

While researching, the below facts and quotes about the porn industry really stood out to me. Reading these insights, while thinking back to how we associate hashtags like #FoodPorn to mean something amazing, really makes me question the validity and general social acceptance of the hashtag-- and why more people aren't outraged at how porn in it's delusional definition has become so common place.

1. 88% of scenes in porn films contain acts of physical aggression, and 49% of scenes contain verbal aggression.
2. A 2005 study claimed that pornographers were travelling to poorer countries where they could use and exploit women and children with fewer risks. Budapest, Hungary was cited as Europe’s capital for the production of porn films because, as one pornography executive put it, Eastern European actors ‘cost less and do more’.
3. “The Department of Justice and the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children both recognize that pornography is an element that adds to the serious problem of sex trafficking. Many traffickers are found with filming equipment and cameras to create and sell pornography”
4. "[Performers] usually ‘consent’ to the acts only in the degraded and demented sense of the word (common also to the law of rape) in which a person who despairs at stopping what is happening, sees no escape,… is often trying to avoid being beaten or killed, is always economically desperate, acquiesces in being sexually abused for payment, even if, in most instances, it is payment to someone else.”

I’d share more of these horrific tidbits with you, but just reading the quotes from those formerly involved in the pornography industry, and the plain facts my mind doesn't want to accept as true, make my stomach turn and my heart ache. Just watching the documentary "Hot Girls Wanted" on Netflix showcases how demented the pornography industry is-- how those involved feel they don't have control over the situations, how many have been taken advantage of in their past leading them to choose this lifestyle, and how degrading it is to the women involved. Pile on top of that the insane situations or 'fantasies' these people are 'acting' out for the viewers-- I just can't handle it. 

While the above information is great to share to educate how pornography negatively affects the individuals involved, those trafficked into the situations, and those who choose to view porn, why has there been no research done on the connection between the various forms of ‘porn’ society has become numbed to viewing on social media (#FoodPorn #HousePorn, #CarPorn, etc)? I’ve attempted to research the connection, knowing it would present a great viewpoint for this post, and the only information I can find is how #FoodPorn can lead you to make bad choices regarding your own dietary needs… Surprised? Me neither.

One of the most unsettling things about all this is seeing peers in the anti-human trafficking space use the hashtag. What message does this send about our commitment to seeing exploitation come to an end? It’s definitely not a good one.

I’d like you to take a bit of time and read through some of the sources and resources available at the end of this post. Educate yourself on what is really happening in the porn industry and know that any reference society can get away with only encourages the pornography industry to continue what they are doing—exploiting individuals for the viewing pleasure of those whose lives will subsequently be ravaged. It’s an endless cycle and we don’t need things like #FoodPorn to become so common place that porn itself, without a pre-cursor word, becomes accepted until it’s too late—the moment the downward-spiral entangles friends, family and those closest to you.

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Sources and resources:

https://moderndayslaveryblog.wordpress.com/2011/03/29/the-link-between-pornography-and-human-trafficking/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/15/human-trafficking-month_n_4590587.html

http://rescuefreedom.org/get-involved/refusetoclick/

http://www.covenanteyes.com/pornstats/

http://stoptraffickingdemand.com/

Hot GirlsWanted—Documentary available on Netflix
XXX Church

**Note, as a blog, this is purely my opinion and a presentation of facts. I understand that as pornography becomes more main stream in our culture, my views can be considered 'old school' or 'close minded'. I know magazines and websites promote pornography as a way to have a healthy and happy sex-life, I know pornography is promoted in innocent ways, but the facts I've been presented with portray the realistic, behind-the-scenes portion of the industry many people either don't know or choose to ignore. Let us not turn a blind eye to real issues affecting the people around us.