27

Today I turn 27 years old.

27 isn’t really a monumental age—It’s kinda this weird middle ground age where you are officially in your late 20’s... It’s like you’re basically 30… which can be a scary thought!

I find my birthday can sometimes get lost between the hectic completion of the holiday season and the onset of easing back into routines. I can recall the year as a teenager when everyone forgot my birthday (with my parents as the exception). I can also recall the year my husband planned an amazing surprise birthday party for me. It used to be all or nothing but, as I grow older, it tends to have found a lovely middle ground I like to call ‘low key’. 

Low key is nice. I’m a weird mix of an introvert and an extrovert. I can be outgoing in a social situation where I’m one-on-one with someone new or with close friends, but I can also be 110% content portraying the fly on a wall during an eventful evening, standing in the midst of buzzing conversations from those chattering around me. This is why a low-key birthday is pretty great. It’s chill, easy, and all the attention of a large amount of people isn’t focused on me—which tends to weird me out pretty fast.

Be that as it may, it’s nice to be celebrated! This is the fun part of having a birthday! Taking the time to celebrate individuals just for being born—just for being themselves! If we truly saw ourselves the way God does, we would think every day is our birthday! With that thought in mind, taking some time one day a year seems like a great idea.

Celebrating someone on his or her special day can be an amazing thing. I think the most important part of celebrating someone is to honour them in a way they find special. Lavishing someone with gifts when they are against consumerism may not be the best idea! In the same light, a simple happy birthday text, when you know an individual is 100% gifts or quality time as a love language, also perhaps isn’t the best way. If you know someone well enough, you can do something small that will show them you believe they are worthy of celebration. That small act can leave a significant mark in making them feel special on their day.

Growing up in my family, birthdays were always celebrated. As a kid I can recall my mother making me an epic birthday cake with a marshmallow bunny on it, or a cake shaped as a teddy bear (enter; where I get my creativity in the kitchen from!). She created a poster that could be used year after year with the simple switch of a number (crafty and economical), and would go with the staple balloons and streamers. One simple gift was all that was given and, looking back, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Birthday parties with a few friends would be thrown and, without fail, almost every year an epic snow storm would happen around my birthday to really attempt to throw a wrench into any already made plains. Reflecting on birthdays past is fun and makes you realize what really makes you feel special—and how you would like to be celebrated in the future.

This year for my birthday, a couple of my close friends took me to an old-fashioned tea house. We drank tea out of fancy china and indulged in freshly baked scones with homemade jam. It was lovely. It was very 'me' and it was nice to be celebrated. The attendees both gave me cat cards that meowed happy birthday-- which are sitting on display as I write, smiling at me from across the room. It's like they are begging to meow to me... which actually just freaks out our real life cat.

     

For myself, looking back at the birthday’s of years past, it’s knowing someone took the time to think of me which makes me feel noteworthy on the day of my birth. Kind words written in a card, a text message with more than the letters ‘HBD’, a small gift chosen specifically because the giver thought of me when they saw it, or a friend who isn’t a baker baking birthday cookies. As I always tend to say, it’s the little things that make the biggest difference.

When the birthday of a close friend or family member comes up this year, I encourage you to really take a moment and think about how you can show the person in your life how much you appreciate them, how special you truly believe they are, and how you are thankful that there is one day a year made specifically to celebrate their unique awesomeness given to them by God. A birthday happens just once a year, take the time to make people feel as precious as they really are.

Filling the Expectation Gap

The expectation gap can simply be defined as the gap between what we expect to happen, and what actually occurs. The gap between what we expect to happen and what actually happens is a space we easily fill, often without giving it a second thought. Our minds immediately start racing as soon as an expected outcome doesn’t occur; “What happened?”, “Where are they?”, “What are they doing?”… The list of questions can be endless, and will vary from situation to situation. While this gap naturally occurs when an expected outcome doesn't come to life, the emotions you choose to fill the gap with is really the important thing.

When I lived in Winnipeg, Manitoba, my wonderful husband, some awesome friends, and I attended Oasis Community Church. To this day I don’t know if I’ve been involved in another church that was exactly what I needed the way Oasis was. The messages were easy to understand, practical to apply, and scripture was always backed up with perspective on culture and life in general when it was written thousands of years ago. Context was always given and to this day, that is something I always both appreciate and seek out in a message I am listening to.

During a series on Marriage at Oasis, Dustin (the awesome pastor) had given a message on Expectations. Oh boy, was it a good one! This message stuck with me and is something I wouldn’t say I think about regularly, but when I start to fill my expectation gap with negative thinking, the words which were spoken pop into my head and I snap myself out of it-- I remove the negative thinking and replace it with positive.

Bridget and I at her wedding. Photos by the
always gorgeous Steph Schulz Photography.

One of my closest friends was married this past June and I was honoured to be a bridesmaid and give the ‘Toast to the Bride”. My beautiful bride of a friend and her husband both attend and volunteer at Oasis—the same church I attended when I was living in Winnipeg. When Dustin spoke during the ceremony, his main message was about filling the expectation gap.

I found this to be extremely amazing for a few reasons;

1. It’s a great message and one I am reminded of as I go about life.
2. It’s applicable in all relationships from business relationships with co-workers, to relationships with friends, family and especially the marriage relationship.
3. I had recently chatted with one of my best friends about the very same topic!  

We all have expectations. Even those who say they don’t expect anything are still expecting nothing! When you expect something, it can be quite the alarming experience when your expectation isn’t met. Let’s create an example to help you understand more clearly…

Say your significant other says they are going to be home at a certain time. You clean up the place, make dinner, and are ready and anxiously awaiting their arrival. Their expected arrival time comes and goes and you are left waiting. Perhaps you send a text inquiring for a new ETA and you don’t hear back.

What’s your reaction? How do you fill the gap now left between the expectation and reality?

Often, an immediate reaction is to fill it with something negative:

‘They must be working late and didn’t think of telling me”

“They went out not caring to let me know or invite me”

The list of negative gap fillers can go on and on and get even more negative and disrespectful. Now that you have this negative mindset, when your significant other comes home your mood is sour, your mind is still spinning all these elaborate stories of things that could have happened, and you feel betrayed and alone.

No matter what the real reason of the unmet expectation, your negative mindset is already setting the other person up to fail in your eyes. They can say ‘Sorry I got caught up in the office and my phone died so I couldn’t text you.”, “Crazy traffic today!”, “I gave so-and-so a ride home after work.”  Even though all these responses are completely legitimate reasons, they can be viewed as “yea, whatever” reasons to you, because in your mind, the dish already ran away with the spoon and you’re the fork no one wants feeling left out of the information loop.

What would happen if you filled the same expectation gap with positivity?

“Traffic could be really bad right now”

“Their phone is always dying and they probably just can’t text me to tell me what’s up”

“I’ve been leaving hints about wanting flowers lately, maybe they are out getting me some!” (the last one is how I often fill my gap hehehe). 

Even thinking a simple “I trust my significant other, they love and respect me, I know everything is all good” is enough to leave you feeling positive even though your expectations aren’t being met, and won’t leave you in a bitter mood for when they do arrive home.

Dustin used some funny examples during the ceremony—one was of Bridget perhaps going on a shopping spree and Jay not knowing why. Another was of Jay coming from work late and Bridget not knowing why. Before you assume the negative, expect the positive, and be open to conversation to find out what really happened.

Too often this negative mind-set so easily fills our thoughts, and the positive doesn’t even get a chance to sneak in. When things are weird at work the gap can be filled with thoughts of getting fired or everyone talking about you behind your back; when things don’t go as expected with friendships thoughts of jealousy or envy can creep in; in your closest relationships, those negative thoughts can spread out into every part of your daily living. Who knows, perhaps the other party involved in meeting your expectation had no idea an expectation even existed (which can be common—especially in new relationships!)!

Let’s all vow to fill the expectation gap with the positive. It’s good for you, for your relationships, and you’ll actually feel the difference in your actions, your decisions and your responses. Next time you notice a negative thought creep in when your expectations aren’t met, fill it with the positive and make a note to talk to the other party about your expectations and why they weren’t met.  Communication is so important and will make you realize you probably had no reason to worry and be negative in the first place!

Thanks Pinterest!

When have you filled the expectation gap with negative thoughts? Did you see how the negativity flowed into your interactions and mood for the rest of the day? When have you filled the gap with the positive, and have you felt the difference? Positivity for the win!

Do Small Things With Great Love

"Do Small Things With Great Love."
How wonderful does that sound? Doesn't that just inspire you, encourage you, and make you wish you were out somewhere this exact moment doing something so simple, but so love filled, it inspires others to do the same?

The current screen saver on my phone is an image with those words. It's there as a constant reminder to find ways to do small things with great love for those I encounter on a day to day, and moment to moment, basis.

I think sometimes we get caught up in what that "small thing" is that we are doing for someone. We think the act is too small, the gesture will go unnoticed, that it isn't 'good enough' of a blessing, that perhaps we are just doing it because we feel obligated because the screen saver on our phone is telling us to.

From experience, being on both ends of the transaction (the giver and the receiver), it really is the Love portion that counts. Let's focus on the giving, the actual act of "doing something small"...

The Bible tells us to be a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:7). I think this is common knowledge. As someone who enjoys giving things, especially unexpectedly, it's all about doing something that you know will make the recipient feel loved and special. I send flowers. That's my thing. I will randomly send a small bouquet of flowers to someone, I won't leave a note so they have no idea who they are from, and I have them delivered to the individual. Let's be real, ladies love receiving flowers! Sending flowers to my girl friends is a simple, meaningful, small act. It's a gesture done with great Love because it is meaningful, unexpected, and to top it off, I don't pick who I send flowers to! I can decide "I'm going to send flowers today" but I leave it up to guidance from the Holy Spirit as to who will be receiving them! How wonderful to be a cheerful giver!

Can everyone only go around sending flowers to people, out of the blue?
I'm sure they could but...
1) That's a lot of flowers
2) The excitement of a random bouquet will be lost
3) Trying to find ethical flower shops is hard and we want to be sure we are doing things right!

How about holding the door open for someone? Paying for a coffee for the individual behind you? Randomly purchasing a meal for someone? Shovelling a driveway? Smiling at someone down the street? All these simple actions are simple in the grand scheme of things. There is no need to worry about what act it is you are doing. As long as your intentions are great, to show Love and receive nothing in return, you can't go wrong!

Explore what you are good at doing. Experiment with simple acts like sending flowers, writing notes of encouragement, or performing other acts of service. Your "small thing with great love" has no limits. Allow your imagination and the skills and talents you have to inspire you to spread love everywhere you go!

One of my favourite books I have read about loving others and doing those "small things with great love" is the Joyce Meyers book, The Love Revolution. One of my favourite points she makes in the book is how we all have different strengths, gifts and talents-- and we should use those to show love and kindness to others. One thing I believe is that you shouldn't compare what you do to bless those around you with how others bless. We are all made differently-- with different strengths and talents. While one person may be great at something, you are great at something else.

I believe these differences should be celebrated, and will make a difference in those "small things" you do with "great love" for others.

Image found on Pinterest